Fighting The Urge to Acquire 'Things'

It's really hard not to add to the clutter. I've so many habits that I never realised were adding 'stuff' into my home.

Yesterday I bought some vitamins, and the shopkeeper gave me two free magazines and a half dozen leaflets along with my purchases. I didn't ask for them and I don't need them, but in the past I would have kept them, or at least taken some clippings from the magazines to keep. Why ? That voice that says 'that might become useful'. Partly yesterday's temptation was aspirational - 'someday' I might be able to afford hypnosis or one of the other expensive therapies advertised in those extraneous leaflets. But I'm a bright woman, and if I get to 'someday' I can look up a therapist on the Internet, or just go back to the shop and ask there, I don't need those leaflets. Not easy changing my thinking, though.

Earlier this week I was even tempted to skip dive. I saw that a neighbour had thrown out some of the same fancy bricks that compose part of my garden wall. For a serious moment I actually thought 'Oh look, that would come in handy if something happens to my wall...' I was actually fractions away from grabbing this huge brick and lugging it home with me ! And where exactly was I planning to keep it ? Jeez !

'Stuff' without a 'home' is a challenge. I have a lot of crap that fits that category. Fear of losing things is an issue too. Ironic, since because of the squalor I spend hours sometimes looking for things and getting more and more stressed when I can't find what I'm looking for. Or I abandon the project. That is talked about at Squalor Survivors.

One thing I can't get past right now is that I feel I have to have my bag of medications sat in the middle of my lounge floor, in the one 'clear' square metre of my carpet, where I can see it all the time. Otherwise I forget to take what I need. I've talked to the doctor about it a number of times, and we've tried various strategies to help me remember my meds, but this is the first time I've actually had any real success with taking my medicines consistently, so for now that bag is staying where it is. My hope, though, is that I will clear a surface in my lounge and be able to house the bag there; it will have to stay in plain view, but might find somewhere where it 'should' be.

I guess it's going to be about re-programming myself. A big part of that is being self-aware and watching for the sorts of thoughts and feelings that lead to acquisition and squalor creation.