Keep on moving

The dance goes on. I definitely feel like my health and welfare has improved over the last month, so that has helped me stay positive about the processes involved in reclaiming and maintaining.

I need to gear up for another push soon. Not sure where I am going to target. I'd like it to be the kitchen.

I spoke to my counsellor this week about what's been going on and how I do feel quite encouraged and empowered by how things have been going. He suggested that I do the kitchen one item at a time, and that may be how it has to go. The place is a bit like a tidal backwash - the things that end up in there I am either avoiding or I don't know where else to put them. Maintaining is a lot harder to do in the kitchen too, for some reason.

I need to get my washing put away and to tidy up some more yet from having a visitor to stay at weekend. I am lucky to have people who love me enough to still be able and willing to be in my home when it is such squalor here !

It's hard to have visitors. I feel bad because I wonder if they feel I don't love them enough to tidy up before they come. That's not at all the truth of it, though; usually I have tidied up, it just doesn't look that way because what for me is 'better' is still pretty awful to anyone else. I love them all the more because they don't judge me or demean me for being the person I am right now, and are willing to know and to trust that sometimes I can and will be a more organised and tidy version of who I am.