I have begun, this week, a new round of CBT Counselling. The sessions' aim is to help me reduce and manage the anxiety I experience in relation to clearing my home of the accumulated clutter that has resulted from my OCD Hoarding.

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I've been lucky, I managed to find a couple of agencies willing to help my with the physical aspects of the task and my friends have the sympathy aspect covered. Now I have the emotional / psychological angle covered too, so I am hoping we can really move forward on this now.

I have made progress, but its been quite painful--and it's come with variable results. I do have carpet visible in my lounge right now! Quite a lot of it, actually. (It's blue) I can get into cupboards and such that haven't seen the light of day for years, too. Resisting the drive to classify everything I come across as either 'will come in handy' or 'sentimental attachment' is hard, though.

When we (my brave helpers and I--well them, mostly) started cleaning, I had a hard time because I couldn't disassociate myself from my belongings. After the initial euphoria of seeing space being made I then hit a point where throwing things away, emotionally and psychologically, was for me equating to throwing my actual self away. I believed that if my stuff was rubbish, so was I. I've not really gotten past that one yet, I just pushed the belief to the back of my mind and am trying to get on despite it.

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Going into the first CBT session I was anxious, filled with trepidation and tearful. I hate that I cry so much. I wasn't sure what goal I might set for the CBT work, but I knew my relationship with my 'stuff' has to change, that I need to 'let go' and also to 'lose the fear'.

My new counsellor did a very thorough job of assessing whether I will be able to cope with and perform the work the CBT will set me. I have a lot going on in my life right now, and she wanted to be sure that by taking me on as a client she wouldn't actually be making things worse for me. I suspect it was a borderline call, but we are going ahead. I know it will be tough, CBT is very much a 'short, sharp, shock' treatment. I'm up for it though, being as I am desperate to live through what's happening right now; shifting my clutter, both physical and mental, is what the hour calls for. Wish me luck, say some prayers for me. Blessed be.
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(This post was first published on my other site, 'Ramblings of a Madwoman'.

My name is Katisha and I have OCD

It's been a while since I updated this blog. Apologies for those of you who have been waiting with baited breath. If you follow my other blogs you'll know that I have been receiving Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for the last seven months or so. In that time I have been provided with a number of 'Books on Prescription' (a terrific scheme, many thanks to my local authority, and libraries department in particular!). One of these was:

Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
by David Veale and Rob Willson.

It was brought to my attention that I have a degree of OCD by a wonderful psychiatrist whom I met through my being off work ill with depression. The above mentioned book confirmed this for me when I read the following:

"Compulsive hoarding has been defined as the acquisition and failure to discard a large number of possessions...that appear to be either useless or of limited value. These objects may be acquired by excessive or impulsive shopping, or by collecting free items such as newspapers or promotional giveaways, or objects that have been discarded by others."

(Veale and Willson, p24)

When my psychiatrist suggested I had symptoms of OCD I was unsure, as I don't have other of the classic symptoms for this disorder, but by this definition I AM, clearly, a compulsive hoarder.

Veale and Willson (p24) go on to say this:

"...the clutter resulting from this accumulation of objects also causes significant distress or a reduced ability to function. When severe, clutter may prevent cooking, cleaning, moving freely through the house, or even sleeping. It may give rise to poor sanitation and pose a risk of fire or falls..."

This too applies to my situation. I am going to write an extended version of this post on my other blog, 'Ramblings of a Mad Woman', so go take a look if you want to know more about OCD Hoarding and its treatment via CBT counselling.
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